For many of my clients, perfectionism is an intimidating adversary. It robs them of joy – stubbornly moving the goalpost just when they think they’ve arrived. Not fun. And I get it – I too have wrestled with an inner drill sergeant telling me I have to “get it right and be better, be good, be best.” It’s exhausting. Fortunately, I’ve also learned how self-defeating the quest for perfection is and instead focus more on celebrating “enough” in myself and others.
The Happiness Lab with Dr Laurie Santos
In this heartwarming podcast episode of How to Fight Perfectionism, Dr. Laurie Santos and her guests offer actionable strategies to combat perfectionism – something she admits to struggling with herself.
- Set “good enough” goals, instead of ideal ones. It allows for unexpected turns, surprise delights, and steady progress without unattainable standards. Try: I’m going to read before bed instead of I’m going to read 2 chapters before bed!
- Embrace the power of self-compassion. Mistakes and missteps are not a reflection of your ability, or lack thereof. If your friends aren’t immune to these mistakes… neither are you!
- Focus on small wins. This shifts your focus from relentless flaw-finding to resiliency.
Oliver Burkeman, The Imperfectionist
Oliver Burkeman – author and writer of The Imperfectionist blog uses the phrase “I don’t mind what happens” as an antidote to our fixation on minor challenges that detract from meaningful moments. In his case, stressing about the traffic instead of connecting with his son while driving to kickboxing class.
His suggestions:
- Distinguish between what conditionally matters to achieve a specific goal and what is unconditionally important. There’s no catastrophe if your son is late for kickboxing! He’s alive, well, and likely quite happy!
- Most concerns are not life-and-death issues. Being mindful of this (hopefully) provides many more opportunities to be more present, especially during difficult moments.
- Awareness is the first step to changing patterns and behaviors. Be kind to yourself, the unlearning process takes time.
A Final Thought
Finally – I know in my bones that there are more important things to strive for in my life than perfection. Things like contentment, and generosity, and humility, and meaning, and inner and outer peace. And more time with nature and dogs and other perfectly imperfect people.
Coaching For A Cause Update
To date, I’ve conducted 42 coaching sessions of the 60 sessions I committed to, and, raised more than $2,500 for worthy causes!
Only 18 free sessions remain! You get 1 hour of free life coaching in exchange for a $60 donation to the You Matter Marathon, or a charity of your choosing. You can also give up to two coaching sessions as a gift!
Until next time, take care of yourself.
