Have you ever had an experience where your reaction surprised you…in a good way?

Recently I stopped in my local deli to pick up some food for the weekend.

I patiently waited for the deli man to serve the customer in front of me.

When it was my turn, I stepped to the counter, and as I was giving the deli man my order, he picked up his ringing cell phone and started to speak to the caller. Then he looked at me and asked, “Do you mind?”

And in a calm, clear voice I said, “Yes, I do mind.”

My reply surprised the deli man – and astonished me.

For the past 50 years my default reply when someone asked, “Do you mind?” was, some version of, “No…I don’t mind.”

And while some of those “No-I-don’t-minds” were true, like when a friend took a call from her child to make sure she arrived at her destination safely, most of my “No-I-don’t-mind’s” were a lie.

I did mind. Sometimes I minded a lot.

But I was a “good girl” and good girls don’t mind.

But now I’m a good woman, and sometimes good women do mind.

And when they do, they say so.

You Matter.

Recently I participated in a *“Hello Bea2ful” letter writing campaign initiated by Kaydene Grant. The campaign invites women to write E-Letters to young girls, starting with the salutation: “Hello Beau2ful…”

Since many of us often feel less than beautiful, I wanted to share my letter with you.

Hello Beau2ful,

Yes – I’m talking to you!

While we haven’t met, I know that you are beautiful inside and out.

Beauty isn’t just how you look or how others think you look. Real beauty is an attitude… a feeling… a way of relating to yourself and others that says: I am unique. I am whole. I am enough just as I am.

And I matter.

When we come from a place of beauty, we radiate like the sun.

When we come from a place of beauty, other people want to be around us…to bask in our glow…and they feel emboldened to shine themselves.

It’s magical. And I want you to feel that magic.

But it’s not always easy.

Some days you’re overwhelmed by homework or drama at home or with friends. But your beauty is still there. It just needs your tender loving care.

It’s like when the day is cloudy or rumbling thunder – the sun isn’t gone – it’s just hidden. But it will shine again. And in the meantime, you can grab a hot pink umbrella, put on a slick pair of rain boots, and dance in the puddles and find beauty in the darkness.

How do I know this? Because I’ve lived it. I know what’s it’s like to doubt myself and wonder if I’m beautiful enough or smart enough or good enough. And I’ve learned that when I come from that place of doubt, I feel ugly inside no matter what I look like on the outside.

Thankfully, I now know that there is only one of me – and the world needs me to be the best and most beautiful version of myself.

The world needs me to shine, and I feel better when I do.

Here are three ideas to show you how you can bring forth your beauty:

Each morning, when you brush your teeth, look in the mirror, smile, and say, “Good morning, Beautiful!” Even if you don’t quite believe it…yet!

Find a song that makes you feel unstoppable and play it when you need to change your mojo.

Reach out to someone and tell them what makes them beau2ful to you. What you give will come back to you.

And, lastly, when you have a really hard day, and you wonder if you are beau2ful, if you matter…please read this letter out loud to yourself and know that yes – you are beau2ful and, yes you matter.

Love,

Cheryl

*If you would like to write your own letter to a young girl, go to Beau2ful, Inc. All letters are due by August 20.

Please enjoy this post from guest blogger and leadership expert, Mary Zenzen, President and Founder, Better World Organizations, LLC.

To change our world for the better, we need to change our minds… that is, our individual, group, and organizational mindsets.

Why? Because out of mindsets spring every thought, every attitude, every belief, and every behavior. This is why incremental change does not transform individuals, families, schools, workplaces, communities, or nations. Rather, if we want sweeping positive change in our world, we will examine what is at the root of all of our thinking and behaviors… our mindset.

For example, some people see the world through a lens of gratitude. This is their mindset. They take the time to notice the good things going on around them, and they notice the people at the source of these good things. They don’t take things or people for granted; instead, they appreciate them and take time to express their gratitude in various ways. Because they regularly make a habit of making positive observations, their positive view of the world and others expands. They are happier, healthier, and more resilient. They don’t ignore negative information; rather, they put it perspective with the much larger number of positive events they took the time to notice and respond to.

Organizations can also choose to see the world and the people in it through the lens of gratitude and embed intentional practices to cultivate a deeper sense of gratitude within families, schools, workplaces, and communities. A positive organizational climate emerges where people feel alive, focused, creative, and cooperative. There is a boost in work performance, active engagement, and commitment. Because people feel safe, happy, and valued, their though-action repertoire also expands, according to leading positive emotion researcher Dr. Barbara Fredrickson. This means that they open up, broaden their awareness, and see the many, many positive possibilities around them, instead of narrowly seeing only one solution or way of being.

Just as there is a mindset of gratitude, there is also a mindset of ingratitude. Think of the devastating consequences of individual and collective mindsets that don’t place value and worth on people and things. Think of what happens when people can’t make the connection between the good things in their lives and the source of those good things. How will people with a mindset of ingratitude treat people and things?

The key to unlocking the power of gratitude is assigning value and worth to every individual and being mindful to communicate that value and worth in every interaction. When people see each other as valuable, the quality of communication improves on every level as a culture of ‘high quality connections’ emerges, according to positive organizations researcher Dr. Jane Dutton. Both individuals and organizations begin to ‘bank’ upward spirals of positive emotion as total human capacity begins to grow.

As Fredrickson teaches, we can generate positive emotion at any time through intentional practices. Allowing gratitude to drive every interaction is a change in mindset. Putting all thoughts and behaviors through a gratitude ‘test’ is also a change in mindset that will transform individuals, groups, and organizations for the better.

Mary can be reached at [email protected].

The You Matter Marathon is a simple yet powerful way to let your employees know they matter. Sign-up today!

Here’s an inspiring example of how two pioneering educators, Assistant Superintendent of Secondary Education Dr. Ron Davis, and psychology teacher, Tina Raspanti are sharing the You Matter magic within Mt Lebanon School District in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

What attracted you to the You Matter Marathon (YMM)?
Tina: I remember the feelings of warmth and caring I had when Cheryl shared a You Matter card with me. Not only did I want to be part of the YMM, but I immediately wanted to share it with others.
Ron:  Any time we are purposeful in filling another person’s emotional tank, like telling someone how much they matter, we are improving their life, our life, and making the world a little better place.

What opportunity does this represent for your school district?
Tina: I want others to feel what I felt when I received my You Matter card. As educators in a caring and giving profession we can be so focused on others that we forget about ourselves, and fail to see the impact of all we do. The YMM will be a wonderful reminder to all employees in our Mt. Lebanon family that each of them is essential to our community. Every one of them matters.
Also, I am so excited to share this initiative with my students; particularly in my Social Psychology class, where we focus on prosocial behavior and mental well being.

Ron:  Our District broadened our involvement with research-based contemplative practices using the motto of self-care. If you take better care of yourself, you are better equipped to take care of the children in your care.  The You Matter Marathon is a strategy that can be employed in this process that allows faculty, staff, and administration to take better care of themselves so that they can take better care of their students.

Do you see your school community as a microcosm of the greater community?
Ron:  Certainly.  It goes back to the question – Is the school a microcosm of the community or is the community a microcosm of the school?  In either case, there is a symbiotic relationship between a school and its community, and our hope is that the You Matter Marathon, launched in the schools, will have a ripple effect into the community.

How are you implementing the You Matter Marathon in your school district?
Tina: The YMM aligns with our core competencies of respecting ourselves and others. I plan on incorporating it into my AP Psychology and Social Psychology electives. I will give each student three cards – one for themselves and two to share and then ask them to reflect on their experience. I think our kids will feel the spirit of the YMM as they are great kids.

Ron:  There’s a saying, “When the Principal sneezes, the school catches a cold.”  The Principal’s leadership in a school is powerful.  Using this premise, we are asking the Principals to lead this positive initiative by telling their faculty & staff how much they matter to the students, school, district, and community.  From there, faculty and staff will be given the opportunity to spread their gratitude as part of the You Matter Marathon.

Who will you give your first You Matter card to and why?
Tina: My sister, she moved back to Pittsburgh a few years ago, and she’s given me unconditional love and support, I want to remind her she matters to me.
Ron:  My wife (a principal in the District).  She matters to her students, faculty & staff, and her school community (not to mention, her family).

To learn more about Mt. Lebanon’s commitment to teacher self-care and  compassionate leadership, contact Tina Raspanti at [email protected].

To bring the You Matter Marathon to your school community go to www.youmattermarathon.com and click on Teachers or contact Cheryl at [email protected]. And click here and to receive a free YMM School District and Teacher Guide.

One of the questions I receive most often when telling people about the You Matter Marathon is, “How do people react when they receive a card?”

Until now my answer had been to tell them about the powerfully moving encounter I had the first time I gave a You Matter card to someone I didn’t know.

Well now, instead of just telling you about the potential and power in giving these cards I can show you.
Here is a two minute video of You Matter magic filmed on September 17 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Special thanks to producer Joy Marx, producer and editor, John Johnson, video assistant Dylan Marx, and my wonderful husband, Alan Wohlstetter for applying their time and considerable talents to this passion project. Thanks also to Nook Coffee and Bakery Bar for letting our crew descend upon them.

I hope after you see this video you will be inspired to join the over 3500 individuals from 14 countries who are already committed to making some You Matter magic this November.