Career transition can be tough. And it is tougher when we keep to ourselves and soldier on in silence or, even worse, shame. Often we fail to capitalize on the compassionate and creative power that community can bring during such times.

Not only are many of my clients in career transition, but so is my husband, Alan. And unfortunately for him, he happens to live with a very passionate coach who just couldn’t resist imposing (I mean, inviting) him to take advantage of a group process to kick-start his transition.

If you are in career transition, feeling stuck in a job or a rut, or harboring a dream of more, this process can help.

Process:

• My husband gathered 7 close friends and trusted colleagues to our home for 2 1/2 hours last Sunday morning to help him brainstorm possibilities for his next career move.
• Our dear friend and fantastic leadership coach and consultant, Amma Napier, designed and facilitated the process. She based it on the Six Thinking Hats model of Edward de Bono.
• After introductions (which included the song “My Next Thirty Years” by Tim McGraw) Amma shared the topic for discussion. In this case, to identify a career path that takes advantage of Alan’s passions and skill sets.
• Then, in two groups of 3, we flip-charted our responses to the following questions based on different colored hats:
  • White Hat: What objective facts, figures, and information do we already know about Alan and his current situation?
  • Yellow Hat: What are the best case scenarios for Alan, his personal/professional strengths, and key points of leverage?
  • Black Hat: Opposite of the yellow hat. What impediments to change/restraining forces exist within Alan or the environment?
  • Red Hat: What are any and all emotions and intuitions that are at play for Alan and other key stakeholders (like me!)? This information is meant to be subjective and opposite of the objective information collected in the White Hat inquiry.
  • Green Hat: Is where we synthesize the information and list possible solutions, conclusions, opportunities, and scenarios for Alan to explore, and list concrete next steps for Alan to take this week along with resources to tap into for ongoing support.
  • Blue Hat: Is the hat worn by the person facilitating the process, ensuring each hat is worn in turn and gets a fair amount of airtime
• We closed the session with each person offering a wish for Alan as he continues on his journey.

Not only did the process boost Alan’s confidence and yield tangible, useful, and creative career possibilities that he is already pursuing, it also proved to be a gift to those who participated. In fact, two of the participants are considering using a similar process for themselves.

So, dear reader, how have you or how might you tap into the power of community to support your personal or professional growth?

Someone once said that how we spend our days is how we spend our lives. Well, I also believe that how we spend our mornings informs how we spend our days.

How can you turn your morning routines into rituals that launch you into your day with intention and conviction? Ask yourself how you want the first few hours of your day to feel. Then ask yourself if your current routine is supporting that desired feeling. If not, you may need a morning makeover (and no, I’m not talking about what color eye shadow you’re wearing).

Here are some simple, yet powerful, tips to consider:

• Before your feet hit the floor, or while you are brushing your teeth, set an intention for the day. For example, today my intention is to be patient.
• Greet yourself in the bathroom mirror as you would someone you adore. If you can’t quite muster a “Good morning, Beautiful,” try “Good to see you, Sweetie.” And don’t forget to smile.
• Do a media audit of your morning. Do you really need to read the paper, go online, and watch the news? I finally realized how few good news stories there are on Good Morning America, so despite my admiration for Robin Roberts, I’ve changed the channel to some gentle music.
• Make your commute count: One client was bemoaning the fact that she had no time to herself and dreaded her 45-minute commute to and from work. When I asked her to look at that as actually having an hour and a half, five days a week, to herself, she immediately changed how she spent and experienced her time in the car. (She switched from hard rock to classical music in the morning and an audio book in the afternoon.)

Put a positive and grounding morning ritual in place for yourself. You DO have time. Even 5 minutes every day will make a difference. Here are some ideas:

• Sit in a quiet spot and notice your breath. If you need help with meditation and relaxation, there are apps. My favorite is called Simply Being.
• Take out a journal and write continuously and without censoring your words.
• Record in a journal your intention for the day.
• Create energy for yourself by doing 3 sets of push-ups and 3 sets of sit-ups (12 per set).
• Listen to music that moves you. One client of mine recently got promoted and wanted to feel more confident in his new position, so he began listening to the soundtrack to the movie Rocky on his way into work, and he found himself walking in the door feeling like a champion.

So dear readers, tell me:
What morning ritual do you count on to enliven you and what morning rituals could you do differently?

The Fourth of July is certainly a time to congregate and celebrate our liberties, our history, and our patriotism.

While I love the parades, picnics and flag waving, I am less enthusiastic about fireworks. Part of it I’m sure has to do with my dog, Gracie, who quivers and pants inconsolably during fireworks and thunder. If only I could press the “mute” button and chill to the spectacle of color and creativity dancing above. But instead, as it happened last night, I ended up hunkered on the couch with Gracie burrowing in my lap as we endured a fearsome round of fireworks set off by a traveling carnival down the street.

But this time, instead of just waiting it out, I decided to distract myself. With every boom of flashing light, I murmured a freedom I am especially grateful for this year. Things like:

• I’m grateful for the freedom to choose work I love, to live in a home I love, with people (and pets!) I love
• I’m grateful for the freedom to fail and try again, to ask for help when I need it, and to listen and trust the innermost whispers of my being, and
• I’m grateful for the freedom to write and publish my book even if I am the only one who hears my story.

I wasn’t sure if my list made Gracie feel better but I do know it made me feel fuller.

And, as we waited out the final crescendo fireworks, I also told Gracie some things I’m still working to be free of. Things like:

• Not taking it personally when a client or friend doesn’t return my call right away,
• Feeling like I can’t be happy unless everyone around me is also happy, and,
• Not feeling guilty when I say no to an invitation or request.

At about 10:30 p.m. the fireworks stopped firing, Gracie stopped panting, and both of us tumbled into our respective beds.

So, dear reader, as we celebrate this Independence Day, tell me:

• What freedoms are you celebrating this week?
• And what freedom would you like to claim for yourself this year?

This past week, while vacationing at the beach, I had a fascinating conversation—okay, more like ruckus debate—with my husband and 17-year-old stepdaughter, Barclay.

On our way back from a lovely dinner at a small Greek restaurant, Barclay asked if we had seen the middle-aged woman dining alone at a table by the window.

Yes, I replied. I had noticed.

Before I could ask what Barclay thought about it, she shared how startling it was to see a woman eating all by herself in public and presumably on purpose. She was sure the woman must have been embarrassed, sad, and lonely. I was about to jump in with another perspective when my husband, still scarred by solo dinners at the bar of his local tavern when he was newly divorced, chimed in with, “Yeah – she must feel like a real loser.” At which point I could hold back no more and indignantly proclaimed, “Well then honey – you married yourself a real loser because I have dined out alone plenty of times. In fact, it’s quite empowering.”

Hearing this, Barclay, more incredulous than ever, roared, “Empowering? It’s awful. I could never do that!”

“Well it’s really not as bad as it sounds,” I assured her. “Maybe the woman was taking a break from cooking. Maybe she had a craving for hummus and her husband was allergic. Maybe she was a local restaurant reviewer doing her job. Just because she was alone doesn’t mean she was lonely. I wouldn’t want to dine alone every night, but now and then it can be lovely way to treat yourself—kind of like going to the movies alone.”

“Oh my God! You’ve gone to a movie by yourself too?” “Yes,” I told her, “plenty of times.”

Barclay looked at me like I was a mummified alien.

I realize that when I was 17 most of my discretionary time, okay, most of my time—was spent trying to fit in, to find my tribe, to be chosen for the prom or the student council. Standing out and sitting alone was tantamount to death. I may have still felt sad and lonely even in a crowd (and often did), but at least my aloneness was hidden. Still, I was crestfallen to learn Barclay assumed the woman was a sad and lonely loser just because she was dining alone. Whereas I assumed, or at least held the possibility, that she was a courageous, hungry woman comfortable enough in her own skin to take herself out for a meal. Someone to admire not admonish.

My wish for Barclay is that one day she will have the power and confidence to take her beautiful, special self out for a delicious meal – and not just a McDonald’s Happy Meal, but a “I’ll-start-with-the-Caesar-salad-and-end-with-the-chocolate-mousse” meal. And I hope she savors every morsel, enjoys the flavor of her own thoughts as much as the chatter from the patrons at the table next to her, and that she leave feeling nourished as much from the sweetness of her own company as from the sweetness of the chocolate mousse.

Food for thought:

• What do you think when you see a woman dining alone?
• Have you ever dined alone? If so, how was it for you?
• If you haven’t dined alone, and are up for a challenge, give it a try. Then let me know how it goes.

Recently, a new friend of mine, Andrea Miles, invited me to be part of a #mywritingprocess blog hop. This blog hop is a relay offering writers a chance to reply to four interesting questions and then introduce other authors who will continue the hop by posting replies on their blogs. Andrea is a fellow author with She Writes Press and also has a book, Trespassers coming out this fall. I am grateful for Andrea’s invitation to take part in this blog hop, for it gives me a chance to publicly share my writing experience for the first time. I invite you to find applicable insights for your own deferred dreams, whether that’s writing your story, climbing a mountain or resting on a hammock for a month.

What am I working on?

I am preparing to give birth to my first book—a memoir called Where Have I Been All My Life? A Journey Toward Love and Wholeness. I’m working on getting my book into the hands of readers who will value and be moved by its message. I’m working on connecting the dots between my book and my coaching and speaking business. I’m working on letting go of what others think of what I’ve written – whether they are professional reviewers or family members. I’m working on my courage. Writing my words in private is one thing; sharing them with the world is quite another. And I’m working my ass off to become confident and comfortable with social media, guest blogging, book promotion, tapping into my savings account and asking for help.

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

My memoir is a coming-of-age story that happens at mid-life. It is prompted by the loss of my mother, which stirs up unprecedented longings projected in an unrequited love. These longings, along with other recognizable issues that many women struggle with, are expressed in funny and fresh ways. And at its core, my book takes a bare-knuckle look at the center of many women’s interior lives – a sense of unworthiness.

Why do I write what I do?

Because I want to be free and I want to inspire others to be free as well. I began writing my book to make sense of my experience, finding my voice and freeing myself from limiting beliefs. Just the mere act of taking time to write the book required giving myself permission to believe in the value of my work and of myself. I am publishing my book because it connects deeply with my professional calling: helping woman be leaders in their lives and inspiring them to live with courage, curiosity and self-compassion.

How does my writing process work?

My writing process for this book began when I decided to keep a journal. The first entry was entitled, “Day 1 of My Motherless Life.” The process continued when I committed to my three closest friends that I would turn the insights from my journal into a book before I turned 50. (The advance copies of my book arrived 2 weeks before my birthday!) Because I work for myself, I was able to carve out a few hours each week to write. I also hired a brilliant editorial guide, Anne Dubuisson Anderson, to help me weave my essays into a coherent and compelling narrative.

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I’m excited to introduce next week’s authors:

Jennifer Schelter

Jennifer is an inspirational thought-leader, “Best of 2013” Philadelphia Magazine’s Be Well Philly as well as the Cover Model, she is called “One of the Most Inspiring Philadelphians” by US Airways Magazine, “ A Real Goddess” in the “People Who Make The News” by Philadelphia Inquirer. She has supported over 40,000 women and men from Wharton Leadership and Management Programs, Fortune 500 Companies to breast cancer patients (Co-Founder of Yoga On the Steps for Living Beyond Breast cancer) and families for 17 years as a professional life-coach, retreat leader, yoga instructor, writer, actress, and entrepreneur. She is the Founder and Leader of the Radiant Retreat to Maya Tulum, Mexico, Yoga Unites non-profit, producer of “am awake” CD and “The Art of Vinyasa Yoga” DVD. Jennifer’s one –woman show, “Love Lessons From Abu Ghraib” which tells the story of Iraqi torture victims and her work with them in Turkey, ran to sold-out audiences at Inter-Act Theatre. She is currently the on-camera life coach and yoga teacher for Veria TV reality show Natural Reboot and host of “The Leap” an on-line TV program featuring mindfulness-based modalities for healing and rejuvenation. Jennifer is available for one-on-one “mini-retreat” coaching sessions as well as groups. Her award winning website: www.jenniferschelter.com Blog: http://jenniferschelter.com/journal/

Betsy Teutsch

Betsy Teutsch is a Philadelphia-based writer linking the humanitarian tech sector with women’s empowerment, focused on helping women work their way out of extreme poverty more productively. She has a background in eco-friendly microfinance and is a leader in Dining For Women, an organization which educates its members about conditions women face around the world and supports effective approaches to helping them become healthier, safer, educated, and more productive.
Her upcoming book 100 Under $100: the Women’s Global Toolkit will be published in Spring 2015 by www.SheWritesPress.com. Columns based on her research have been published by The Atlantic.
Her preferred drink at her Starbucks writing office is a chai latte, Tall. She is the mother of two and about to become a grandmother. You can find Betsy’s blog at www.womensglobaltoolkit.com