It happened at 4:24 p.m. one Saturday afternoon in late August. I was emptying the dishwasher, getting ready to feed my dog dinner when I was overcome with a thought – or was it a feeling then a thought? Whatever it was it was loud and clear – it was enough. I was feeling enough. Whole. Content. Wanting only what I had.

I wanted the house I was in. I wanted the husband I was sharing a mortgage and a life with. I wanted the two exquisite step-children he gave me. Not only did I want it – for the first time in maybe ever – I felt myself receive it. There I was putting away glasses and silverware and feeling as cleansed as my dinnerware.

I was startled. I have always been a seeker – a goal-setter, a self-improver by nature, a never-enougher. Comically calling myself a “possibility chic” because of the rush I would get every time the calendar provided a birthday or a New Year opportunity to reflect and recommit to impossibly lofty but ever so tantalizing resolutions.  And professionally I was a trained and dedicated leadership and life coach – committed to helping my clients change, strive, grow, be their best selves.

I was three months past my 49^th birthday and was already planning the possibilities for my 50^th so as not to be left unawares, or worse, downright depressed. But now, putting away my glasses I felt an alchemy of gratitude, fullness, deservedness and enoughness. I wanted what I had – even though the temperature was a good 15-degrees cooler than it “should have been” this time of year, even though my cat saw fit to throw up his breakfast on the carpet we had cleaned last week and even though I worried about how I would get all my to-do’s done the next day.

Maybe this moment of non-striving is the moment I have been striving for.

And then of course I had to fend off the immediate fear that feeling this complete can only mean one thing – something horrific is about to happen. And I had to fight the urge to text all the people I love to make sure they were safe and remind myself to schedule my yearly mammogram.
But in the meantime I was going to finish emptying the dishwasher and feeling the fullness of just being wholly enough.

Much to my astonishment, I will be turning 50 next year.

(There, I said it. It’s a start!)

To make my transition into this notable decade easier, I’m combining it with a celebration of the passion and purpose it has taken me almost five decades to claim: Inspiring women to live with courage, curiosity and self-compassion.

I plan to deliver my 90-minute seminar: From Inner Critic to Inner Champion: Finding the Confidence Within to 50 groups of women within the next 12-months on a Pay What You Can basis so I can reach as many women as possible.

The only criteria: a minimum of 12 women per seminar and reimbursement for travel over 50 miles from my office. Email me at [email protected] for booking information. Learn more about From Inner Critic to Inner Champion seminar.

Please share this invitation with women (or men who care about women) interested in sponsoring this seminar in their professional organization, corporation, non-profit, community and faith based organization or private home.

I look forward to sharing this exciting and nourishing journey with you.
 

Recently I had a conversation with a highly accomplished coaching client that reminded me how hard it is to give ourselves what we most naturally give others.

My client put herself through college and medical school and is now a senior leader in a large hospital. She is known for her intellect, dedication, and compassion for others.

She has been in her new job almost six months. During our last conversation she offhandedly shared that she hadn’t told any of her friends, or even her two closest siblings, about her promotion. I couldn’t help but interrupt her to ask, somewhat incredulously, why. Her answer brought tears to both of our eyes. “I didn’t want to come across as bragging or make anyone feel badly about themselves.”

We do not make people who love us feel small when we show up big. Yet we definitely make ourselves feel small when we resist being who we are, when we don’t share our hard-earned wins, or give ourselves a chance to receive high-fives and “way to go’s” from those people who are closest to us. We also deprive themof the opportunityto give to us and amplify our positive emotion.

My client told her brother and sister her big news the next weekend.  Not only were they happy for her, but they both said her accomplishments inspired them as well – something my client did not anticipate and took great delight in.

And that’s what I’m talking about – we serve no one when we play small. We stand to brighten the world when we stand tall. Your light lights the way for others. Shine on…

Most days, when it’s above 40 degrees, I go for my run/walk outside, without headphones. When someone asks me what I like to listen to on my walks, I say “ME.” And it’s the truth. I count on my exercise time not just to strengthen my physical endurance, but to strengthen my psychic endurance as well. It is a chance to hear my own voice, to digest my own experiences, and to return to my center, the center from which I can make clear decisions in my life and work.

If it’s below 40 degrees, I go to the gym, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s worthwhile. If I look up while on the treadmill I see 14 televisions spanning the width of the gym, each set to a different station. Even if I’m not plugged in to one of them I can still see and feel their images peering down and boring into me.

It’s hardest on weekends when TBS runs half-hour infomercials raising money to help children with cleft palates get life-changing surgery – and I’m a sucker for the animal welfare organization that showcases the faces of forgotten and forlorn animals who desperately need care. No matter how fast I program the treadmill, I can’t outrun the assault from the screen, let alone feel replenished when I’m done my workout.

Places that used to provide a break from the assault – like elevators, cabs, and common corporate work spaces – are becoming littered with uninvited noise.

So how do we turn down the volume on the distraction and turn up our effectiveness?

We must cultivate discernment. This takes practice. This takes vigilance and intention. But taking charge of what and who you give your precious time and attention to is the key to productivity and fulfillment.
Here’s how to start doing this:

1. Notice all the uninvited distractions, at home and at work, that drain your time and energy
2. Notice the distractions you create for yourself (or others) to avoid important-but-not-urgent activities or to numb out. One client with two smartphones improved his life by turning the email-sound settings off to turn off the constant interruptions
3. Limit, if not eliminate, a few of the distractions.

Many of us go through our days reacting instead of responding with wisdom and intelligence. Discipline is the muscle that can get us out of the stimulus/response mode. Here are a few positive practices to consider:

1. 1.   Determine what your priority and purpose are for a year or even a season
2. At the start of each day, ask yourself what your day’s priority is– ideally, it aligns with your life/work priorities
3. Practice “hard before easy,” and spend the first part of your day tackling that difficult but important activity
4. Schedule 50-minute instead of 60-minute meetings and take the ten 10 minutes to pause, reflect, and breathe
5. Once a week turn off the car radio.

If you want to live your life purposely and with intention, notice and lessen daily distractions, discern what’s most important in your life and in the moments that comprise your life. Then cultivate the discipline and courage you need to act on what matters most.