Cheryl Rice Leadership

Inspiring Women to Lead with Confidence & Courage

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Allow Me to Explain: For Women Wanting More

May 21, 2014

The tag line of my business is, “For women wanting more.”

And while I come by those words honestly and stand by them wholeheartedly, I do feel they need a bit of explaining.

“Women wanting more” speaks to the non-apologetic, chronically aspirational, possibility chick that lives in me. She is the stand on her tippy-toes, get-up before the alarm goes off eagerly empowered part of me that yearns to clear her plate as well as her bucket list before all is said and done. And she is the full-throttled champion of the desire for more when it shows up in her clients, friends and family even when uttered as a faint whisper or throwaway comment. She can’t help herself. She gets lit up by the possibilities and wants to spread the fire.

That said, there is another, equally feisty but much more dour part of me that sometimes emerges to tamp down the vigor of the possibility chick. It stems from my deep ambivalence about wanting. As I’ve learned, many of us deem our wantings as selfish (God forbid!), impractical, or something to be ashamed of.

It has taken me almost a half century to legitimize my wantings—whether they are for a chocolate ice-cream cone or a six-figure income. Dawna Markova, in her book Wide Open, beautifully describes some of our deepest wantings such as the desire for meaning and connection, as “sacred hungers.”

These hungers are what women in my coaching circles come to legitimize and learn how to feed.

There is nothing wrong with wanting more except when we tell ourselves it is wrong. Wanting is fuel. Wanting more makes us feisty, fun to be around, and focused. I’m grateful for my hungers (the same way I’m grateful for my overflowing to-do list)  as they speak to my aliveness. And more than anything, I want to live from a place of aliveness, wonder and gratitude.

Now, for the caveat: For any one of you reading this and thinking, “Gosh, Cheryl, I don’t really want any more. In fact, I’d like a heck of a lot less,” got it, thank you. Of course you do. I debated making my tagline “For women wanting more…or less” as I am 100% in the corner of those of us who are pleading for less. Less stuff, less incessantly squawking gadgets, less pressure to be something or someone we’re not, less self-criticism, and less listening to voices not our own. And ironically, in having less we hope for more. More peace, more balance, more time to ourselves. So I honor and welcome the parts of all of us that want and deserve less.

The best example of this comes from a client who said in our first meeting, “I love my family. I love my job. I hate my life.” This woman didn’t want more. She wanted less guilt, less busy, less stress. And she got it, and more.

So, dear ones, tell me:

  • What’s your relationship like with wanting?
  • What is it you want more of for yourself these days?
  • What is it you want less of?
  • What would it be like to know that even as you hold the space for more and less you can also bask in the grace of enough?

How about you?

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Undoing the Tyranny of Your To-Do List

April 22, 2014

To-do list

I love my to-do list.

I hate my to-do list.

I love/hate my to-do list. Yes. That’s it!

And I know I’m not alone.

Just last week three different clients spoke haltingly about their to-do lists as if they were confessing a painful addiction.

I get it. I, too, was under the punishing thumb of my never-ending, always-taunting, hand-written list. I hated it as much as I thrived on it.

At my worst, I would sometimes add a task to my list that I already accomplished just for the thrill of crossing it off.

I had fallen into the culturally reinforced “we are what we accomplish” trap—only as good or bad, worthy or unworthy, as our to-do list proclaims us to be at end of any given day.

Enough, I say.

It’s time and it’s possible to make peace with our to-do lists and reclaim a bit of our freedom in the process. And in case you are starting to hyperventilate in anticipation of my telling you to shred your to-do list, rest assured that’s not what I’m suggesting.

It’s not the to-do list that hurts us; it’s our relationship with the list that causes our suffering.

Here are some ways I’ve improved my relationship with my to-do list.

  • Name your list! I named mine Gloria. Don’t ask me why. Now I can talk back to her any time—especially if she’s getting overly rambunctious.
  • Decide what kind of relationship you want with your list. I no longer wanted to be bullied by my list. Instead I want a collaborative, supportive partnership, sprinkled with a dose of fun (like writing with a purple crayon) every now and then.
  • Remind yourself how rewarding it is to have enough activity in your life to even warrant a to-do list. I hope I never get to the point where I don’t have one.
  • Instead of just scratching something off your list, try to take 10 seconds to actually feel good about it. Sometimes Gloria will say, “You Go Girl” or “Great job—that was a tough one!”
  • If you end the day with items still on your daily list, ask yourself, “Did I do my best today given all that was happening in my inner and outer life?” And if you can say, Yes, then it’s enough.
  • If something stays on the your list for more than two weeks without being attended to, then it either doesn’t matter and should come off to make room for what does, or it matters so much you may be procrastinating and need to break the item down into smaller tasks that you can act on.
  • If you want to feel less overwhelmed and more joyful about your to-do list, imagine the to-do lists of others. (I think of my 17-year-old daughter’s list: pre-calculus homework, ACT prep courses, high school drama or the president of the United States or a single mother living in the inner city.) Immediately I feel more compassion for others and more grateful for my list.
  • Set a “to-be” intention at the top of your to-do list each day that declares how you want to be as you do. For instance, today I wrote ‘Frisky” at the top of my list. This is a way of staying present to the quality of your life, not just the doing of your life.
  • Take a break! Once a week, usually on Sunday, I give Gloria (and me) the day off of list making. At first I was terrified of what I’d do without my list but now I have found those days, in small doses, quite liberating.

How about you? Write to me and tell me how you navigate your relationship with your to-do list!

photo credit: jking89 via photopin cc

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Enough

September 19, 2013

It happened at 4:24 p.m. one Saturday afternoon in late August. I was emptying the dishwasher, getting ready to feed my dog dinner when I was overcome with a thought – or was it a feeling then a thought? Whatever it was it was loud and clear – it was enough. I was feeling enough. Whole. Content. Wanting only what I had.

I wanted the house I was in. I wanted the husband I was sharing a mortgage and a life with. I wanted the two exquisite step-children he gave me. Not only did I want it – for the first time in maybe ever – I felt myself receive it. There I was putting away glasses and silverware and feeling as cleansed as my dinnerware.

I was startled. I have always been a seeker – a goal-setter, a self-improver by nature, a never-enougher. Comically calling myself a “possibility chic” because of the rush I would get every time the calendar provided a birthday or a New Year opportunity to reflect and recommit to impossibly lofty but ever so tantalizing resolutions.  And professionally I was a trained and dedicated leadership and life coach – committed to helping my clients change, strive, grow, be their best selves.

I was three months past my 49th birthday and was already planning the possibilities for my 50th so as not to be left unawares, or worse, downright depressed. But now, putting away my glasses I felt an alchemy of gratitude, fullness, deservedness and enoughness. I wanted what I had – even though the temperature was a good 15-degrees cooler than it “should have been” this time of year, even though my cat saw fit to throw up his breakfast on the carpet we had cleaned last week and even though I worried about how I would get all my to-do’s done the next day.

Maybe this moment of non-striving is the moment I have been striving for.

And then of course I had to fend off the immediate fear that feeling this complete can only mean one thing – something horrific is about to happen. And I had to fight the urge to text all the people I love to make sure they were safe and remind myself to schedule my yearly mammogram.
But in the meantime I was going to finish emptying the dishwasher and feeling the fullness of just being wholly enough.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Find Your Inner Champion!

August 22, 2013

Much to my astonishment, I will be turning 50 next year.

(There, I said it. It’s a start!)

To make my transition into this notable decade easier, I’m combining it with a celebration of the passion and purpose it has taken me almost five decades to claim: Inspiring women to live with courage, curiosity and self-compassion.

I plan to deliver my 90-minute seminar: From Inner Critic to Inner Champion: Finding the Confidence Within to 50 groups of women within the next 12-months on a Pay What You Can basis so I can reach as many women as possible.

The only criteria: a minimum of 12 women per seminar and reimbursement for travel over 50 miles from my office. Email me at [email protected] for booking information. Learn more about From Inner Critic to Inner Champion seminar.

Please share this invitation with women (or men who care about women) interested in sponsoring this seminar in their professional organization, corporation, non-profit, community and faith based organization or private home.

I look forward to sharing this exciting and nourishing journey with you.
 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Permission Granted

May 20, 2013

Recently I had a conversation with a highly accomplished coaching client that reminded me how hard it is to give ourselves what we most naturally give others.

My client put herself through college and medical school and is now a senior leader in a large hospital. She is known for her intellect, dedication, and compassion for others.

She has been in her new job almost six months. During our last conversation she offhandedly shared that she hadn’t told any of her friends, or even her two closest siblings, about her promotion. I couldn’t help but interrupt her to ask, somewhat incredulously, why. Her answer brought tears to both of our eyes. “I didn’t want to come across as bragging or make anyone feel badly about themselves.”

We do not make people who love us feel small when we show up big. Yet we definitely make ourselves feel small when we resist being who we are, when we don’t share our hard-earned wins, or give ourselves a chance to receive high-fives and “way to go’s” from those people who are closest to us. We also deprive themof the opportunityto give to us and amplify our positive emotion.

My client told her brother and sister her big news the next weekend.  Not only were they happy for her, but they both said her accomplishments inspired them as well – something my client did not anticipate and took great delight in.

And that’s what I’m talking about – we serve no one when we play small. We stand to brighten the world when we stand tall. Your light lights the way for others. Shine on…

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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