It’s been two weeks and two days (but who’s counting?) since my book left the nest, and some interesting things have been happening.
For the first 24 hours after the launch party I marinated in a delicious afterglow. The celebration was all I’d hoped for and more. It was my 15 minutes of fame and I milked it for a full two hours. Never in my life have I been feted in such a robust and vibrant way, and never have I signed my name so many times without there being a boatload of checks involved.
But interestingly, or should I say disturbingly, two days later, my blissful afterglow was hijacked by the urgent and somewhat reflexive questions of “so what?” and “now what?” What was I going to strive for next?
This urgency to set my next goal was amped-up even more when I found myself brimming with jealousy while sitting in a fabulous breakout session on the Inner Critic (a topic I also speak on) by Tara Sophia Mohr at the Pennsylvania Women’s Conference. “I want to be on that platform!” my comparison-making-always-wanting-more self was screaming. “I’ll make that my next goal!”
That night, I chided myself for pouting. “What is wrong with me? I just completed a book. A two-year journey representing a dream of a lifetime and within 48 hours of publication I’m feeling small, jealous, slightly abandoned, and already sprinting towards the starting line of the next race.”
What’s up with that?
The good news is, I wasn’t so far gone that I couldn’t see how far gone I was! This was not how I wanted to be.
This is what happens when:
- We believe we must be working on or towards something at all times or else…
- We let our minds play the reflexive, habituated tape that believes our worthiness is contingent on our accomplishments.
- We turn healthy striving into unhealthy craving for something outside of ourselves to give us what can only truly be given by ourselves.
- In our penchant for striving we miss out on the unfolding experience of our day-to-day lives. We fail to receive what is available,
- And we totally trash or disregard the notion and value of rest. For pause. For taking a breath and a well-earned victory lap. For stopping to enjoy the view from the mountain top before tumbling down and finding the next mountain.
So I asked myself what I often ask my clients – “if you could choose what to believe right now, what would it be?”
And, in my case, I would choose to unhook from the untenable, unwinnable belief that my worthiness has to be earned. I would take a breath, maybe a bubble bath, too. I would sit myself down on that mountain top and just enjoy the view.
So, dear reader, tell me:
- Can you relate?
- How do you unhook from the culture of “we are what we do?”
- When was the last time you gave yourself permission to enjoy the view?
Take care of your special self,
Cheryl
I relate to this…worthiness and accomplishment placed above joy of experience are addictive, always waiting for that “next high”, which reduced how I experienced the living of my life for way too many years. I’m breathing better, smiling more often, an connected to others on a more personal level these days. We’re travelers, aren’t we, on our life journeys? Travelers are supposed to enjoy the view! What was that song, “I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me”….?
HI Carole Jean. Thanks for offering your own connection to this important topic. Yes – we are indeed fellow travelers on this journey. Glad to have your company as we enjoy the view. Best wishes.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t find myself getting caught up on the treadmill of worthiness/accomplishment-seeking –I forget the view often enough, for sure. I’m thankful to notice its absence and re-orient sooner than in my past.
During the climb to the summit many beautiful moments will come and go. When I’m at my best (and mindful), I take time to enjoy the view as I climb. The summit provides an obvious place to reflect during the journey… but it is easy to make the journey all about the summit and frame the climb as drudgery. There is beauty in the climb… and the descent from the top.
Journey well.
Hi Geoff. I wish I had read your comment before replying to Sharon’s. If I had I would have just said: See Geoff’s comment! You said it beautifully. Thank you. See you on the climb!
Cheryl, thank you for these candid and insightful thoughts. I often find myself craving that moment when I can enjoy the view but feeling like the moment never quite arrives. Which begs the question: how do we recognize it?
Great question, Sharon. The Buddhist in me wants to believe that there is always a view to be enjoyed if we bring our attention to the present moment. The speed-demon in me knows that’s easier said than done. Yikes – I may have to slow way down. Thanks for getting me to think this through some more!
Oh my goodness, Cheryl. You’ve hit the nail on the head. I’m already getting myself worked up over what’s next, even though my event won’t end for 2 more weeks! Thanks for the reminder – I needed it today. 🙂
Glad the post spoke to you, Amy. And glad I’m not alone! My wish for you is that you can savor the next two weeks and then bask in the glow of what you’ve accomplished for a while.
Thank you Cheryl. Present moment awareness and mental rest are two areas that I am tending to right how 🙂 I’m realizing that both Climbing and “Arriving” are temporary, so the moment is all we have of either. They’ll all be “bye-gone” soon enough. And as part of the awareness, I love the question you pose to your clients “If I could believe anything, what would it be?” Wonder-full inquiry…
Espavo!
I am really enjoying the conversation.
Soooo true, Jackie. It’s all temporary. How much I would benefit if I got that in my bones at all times. Thank you for the gentle wisdom.
my tape……….list too long, time is running out…..look at all I am not getting done if I am not accomplishing……how do I get rid of that list?????? Maybe I should add to my to do list, “write down ways of cutting my to do list in half” but the consequences of doing that……uugghh