“What does imagination mean to you, and how do you cultivate it in others?”

What juicy questions! These questions were posed to me just last week during OWN-IT, a leadership conference hosted by and for the amazing women of Boston College.

I was on a panel discussing the role of imagination in a fulfilling life, along with my co-panelist Libby Moore, a dynamic coach and adventurer who, by the way, was also Oprah Winfrey’s chief of staff for 11 years.

The experience was so fun that I wanted to share a few highlights with you. First – the poem I wrote regarding what imagination means to me (after all it is National Poetry Month!). Second – my recommendations for cultivating imagination in others.

Imagination means everything to me.
Without it I wither. With it I thrive.
Imagination is the spark from which greatness derives.

It can’t be quantified with numbers or charts
But makes itself known in the depth of our hearts.

It can guide us and taunt us and challenge our being.
It can open us up to new ways of seeing.

And with this power so pure, so potent and true,
It’s the most precious of gifts to me and to you.

How to Cultivate Imagination
When I work with leaders in corporations, one of their common interests is inspiring creativity, imagination, and magic in the teams they lead. So I emphasize the following:

• Creating psychological safety in teams.
• Developing a culture and team environment where no one will be embarrassed or punished for speaking up.
• Listening to others with empathy so that all people trust they will be heard.
• Charles Duhigg recently wrote a powerful article on this topic for the New York Times Magazine.

When I’m working with individuals in life transition, I encourage three additional elements to foster imagination:

1. Take time to listen to your voice – put down the phone and be quiet.
2. Trust your voice. Allow your thoughts and dreams to flow without judgment or censure.
3. Once you know what you want then visualize both the end result (for example, a promotion) as well as the steps you will take to achieve that result (develop new skills, network, etc.).

So tell me:
How do you cultivate your imagination?

Ever notice that most of us have no trouble honoring commitments we make to others, but often fail to honor commitments we make to ourselves?

I sure do. In fact, one of the biggest reasons my clients hire me is to help them stay accountable to their goals. For some reason, just telling a person who cares about you, what you will do, increases the likelihood you will do it.

I experienced this myself this past weekend.

I love walking outside. It nourishes me emotionally, as well as physically. But I hate cold weather. And for me, anything below 70-degrees is brisk. So when the temperature drops below 45-degrees, I head for Planet Fitness, even though I never achieve the psychic benefits that walking in nature provides.

Until now.

Last week, after complaining to a friend about my aversion to winter walking one too many times, she made me promise that I would go for a short walk outside over the weekend. Little did I know when I made the promise that the temperature on walk day would drop to a bone chilling 9 degrees! And yet, because I promised my friend I would walk, I put on my long underwear, double mittens, hat, scarf and neck warmer and walked (or waddled!) outside with my cold-loving dog, Gracie, for 20-minutes. Yes, it was chilly, but I was fine. Better than fine, actually, I was invigorated. And since no one besides Gracie was around to witness my arctic achievement, I took my first selfie to send to my friend!

And here’s the thing. I’m quite certain that if I had not promised to walk outside, I would have stayed in my comfy yoga pants and fuzzy sweater and missed the moment altogether.

As my positive psychology teacher and friend, Louis Alloro says, “It may not be easy, but believing it’s hard doesn’t make it easier.”

Now it’s your turn:

• Think of a to-do you’ve been putting off.
• Pick someone who cares about you. (Pick Me! Pick Me!)
• Call, email, or text that person and promise them you will do your activity by x date.

Then let the magic begin.

So dear one, tell me:
What helps you stay accountable to your goals?

Recently a coaching client, we’ll call her Nancy, shared a story with me that had both our jaws dropping. A few days earlier, Nancy’s middle-school daughter, we’ll call her Jane, came home from school thrilled with a recognition she had received. Nancy, eager to celebrate with Jane, asked what the recognition was for. Jane eagerly reached into her backpack and presented the certificate to Nancy.

It read, “This Certificate of Recognition is for Jane for demonstrating GRIT by spending lunchtime studying for her classes. Keep up the good work.”

Neither Nancy nor I could believe that the school was actually rewarding a 13-year-old girl for skipping lunch. For skipping her break. For skipping her time with friends.

Now, I’m all for rewarding grit, folks, but this ain’t it. Research psychologist Angela Duckworth, from the University of Pennsylvania, defines true grit as the combination of perseverance and passion. But nowhere does that definition say, “at the expense of our wellbeing.” We have no idea what was motivating Jane. It could have been passion in pursuit of long term goals, but it could have just as easily been fear – fear of not being fully prepared for class, fear of getting a B instead of an A, fear of having an awkward conversation at lunch (this is middle school we’re talking about!) or who knows what. And even if Jane’s desire to study during lunch was motivated by her love of learning, is it right for the school, which guides children at this tender age, to be valuing that over self-care? I don’t think so. And neither did Nancy, who coincidentally has been working to improve her own self-care routines!

Now, the school was most likely intending to reward hard work and delayed gratification. But they missed the boat by also sending the message that self-care is incompatible with achievement. When in fact we know that self-care is fundamental to achievement, health and fulfillment.

Fortunately, as is true for everything in life, Nancy recognized this as an important teaching moment and had a series of meaningful conversations with Jane that generated some new strategies Jane can use to manage her time and take healthy breaks. In fact, now both Nancy and Jane are talking regularly about their own self-care routines. And yes – Nancy also expressed her thoughts on the matter to the school.

So dear reader, tell me:
How will you nourish yourself today?

Happy New Year! Or should I say, Happy New Year’s Resolutions for those of us who make them (notice I didn’t say keep them!).

Here are a few common resolutions that we often make and share:

• “I resolve to lose 15 pounds.”
• “I resolve to save enough money for a _____.”
• “I resolve to find the perfect relationship/job.”

What we don’t share is the rest of the sentence, and that’s where the trouble begins:

• “I resolve to lose 15 pounds…then I’ll be happy.”
• “I resolve to save more and spend less…then I’ll be happy.”
• “I resolve to find the next great job/relationship…then I’ll be happy.”

STOP! Don’t fall for the “If this happens…then I’ll be happy” thinking trap. It’s just not true.

The truth is, and there is plenty of research to back this up, that it’s actually the opposite. If you want to lose weight, have more work success and attract satisfying relationships, then be happy! Happiness comes first! What a revelation this was to me.

Research tells us happy people are more likely to do the following:

• Secure job interviews and be positively rated by supervisors
• Handle managerial positions better
• Like their job
• Have more friends they can rely on
• Exercise
• Report less loneliness

So then the question becomes, how do we become happy?

Well, since this past September I’ve been enrolled in a Certification Program in Applied Positive Psychology (CAPP) that has been teaching me the science and tools of happiness/well-being/flourishing. I’ve been learning powerful techniques for increasing resilience, optimism, flow and goal-attainment. There isn’t a day that’s gone by since I started the program that I haven’t applied something I’ve learned to my coaching, parenting, friendships, or marriage.

And stay tuned to this blog because I resolve to share juicy science-based tips and ideas on how you can create more well-being and life satisfaction for yourself and those you care about.

In the meantime, if you want to learn more about CAPP, you could

• Check out their website (the next program starts in March, and you don’t have to have a background in psychology to enroll).
• Experience a free sample of a class.

And my gift to you, if you enroll, is to give you this promo code cherylr10 to get $100 off of your registration.

Lastly, if you want to increase the likelihood of meeting your resolutions, research has shown that making a written contract with yourself can significantly increase your probability of meeting your goal.

So, dear ones, tell me:
What’s your go-to strategy for increasing your happiness?

Even if your to-do-list remains undone,
Even if the song in your heart remains unsung,
Even if the joy of your season hasn’t begun,
You matter.

Even when the news isn’t bright,
Even when your budget is tight,
Even when your progress is slight,
You matter.

For no matter the season
No matter the reason
To not know you matter
is the truest of treason.

So come all ye faithful,
Let’s quiet the chatter,
Put your hand on your heart
And know that you matter.

Wishing you and yours a warm and nourishing holiday season.

Cheryl PS: If you were touched by this poem, please forward it to a friend.

PPS: If you were touched by the photo, then join me in spreading some magic. It is a business card designed on Vistaprint. The font is Ad Lib, size is 22. I ordered 500 and have been having the grandest time sharing them with friends, strangers, and secretly placing them in random places. Oh what fun!