Do you sometimes outsource your decisions to others because of indecisiveness, people-pleasing or expedience? This month I caught myself doing just that.
As I recently shared, my beloved dog Gracie passed away in April. A few weeks later when visiting my hairdresser, I learned she was fostering a litter of kittens and invited me to meet them after my blow-dry. I haven’t been around kittens in over 20 years and boy were they cute! I left my appointment especially smitten with one of them.
But was I ready to dive back in?
So I did what I often do when I’m not sure and asked 3 friends,
“Should I get a kitten?”
And each one enthusiastically said – Yes! Yes! Yes!
Then I texted my vet of 16 years a photo of the kittens with the question, “too soon?” and she replied within minutes. “Not too soon! Get two!”
Youza. My friends were all in. My vet was all in. Even my ever-supportive-but-not-especially-into-animals husband was on board.
But was I?
On my morning walk a few days later I passed a dog that looked a lot like Gracie. Within moments tears spilled from my eyes.
It was then I realized the only person I didn’t consult about my readiness for new fur babies was me!
- The question wasn’t “Were the kittens adorable?”
- The question wasn’t “Would I like to nurture animals again?”
- And the question certainly wasn’t “Should I get kittens?”
The most important question was am I ready for kittens now? Only I could answer that.
When I paused to consult with my heart, body, and spirit – not just my head and external consultants – the answer was clear…I wasn’t ready…yet.
I’ve seen this dynamic play out with the women I work with as well.
I ask the women in my executive presence coaching circle to list the people at work making decisions about their career. Often the women list their boss and additional key influencers. Rarely do they list themselves!
We get a vote!
We get the most important vote and often we default by giving others authority over ourselves. “Others know best.”
No. They. Don’t.
Now there’s nothing wrong with seeking out other points of view. It’s often wise and illuminating. The key is not to neglect considering and valuing our own points of view – head, heart, body and spirit.
Summary:
- Consult yourself first – Before seeking external opinions, take time to check in with your own feelings and intuition.
- Listen to your whole self – Pay attention to your head, heart, body, and spirit when making decisions, not just logical reasoning.
- Balance external input with internal wisdom – Seek outside perspectives while maintaining your own decision-making power.
- You have the most important vote – Recognize that you hold the primary authority over decisions affecting your life and career.
Tell me: what decision are you currently outsourcing? This week, try consulting yourself first.
(Good news: all the kittens have been adopted and the kitten I was most taken with was chosen by an owner named Cheryl!)
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